Monday, 28 May 2012

Carto's Seal of Approval

This is not a bad article on issues trans. It is from a cis perspective, by a (presumably cis) journalist Jesse Green, and it's not perfect, but hey, you've got to start somewhere, and you could do a lot worse than this. Ignore the cringeworthy heading.

(The comment thread is full of fail, as per usual. Avoid.)

Tuesday, 22 May 2012


(This is not a guide for the cis. For that, please use Google, DuckDuckGo or whichever tickles your fancy)

"Closet" actually works, but it doesn't work the way gay people tend to think it does. I was closeted when I pretended to be a guy. I'm out now - no longer pretending to be something I'm not.

There's something else, too. I've actively dismantled the closet as much as I've been able to. I'd burn it down to complete oblivion if I could, but as it is, other people won't let me. They refuse to completely destroy the documentation identifying me as a male, or to completely rewrite it, for example (data integrity, identifying, blah-de-blah). Every time someone wants to interrogate me about my past (it doesn't happen very often, thankfully), that someone basically wants to re-erect a closet for me and, if not push me back there entirely, still remind me about the closet other people forced me to. The one I've done my damnedest to demolish.

What I think this all boils down to is that the majority doesn't want to admit to its mistake in sexing/gendering babies. The fact is, such errors happen, and there's plenty of us living proofs. The majority just needs to get over it, and start correcting its errors. Sans hand-wringing, please.

Saturday, 12 May 2012

On becoming a mother

Well, my partner gave birth. That's about it. And I became a mother.

I didn't realise it back then, of course - being CAMAB does rob you of some things, such as the realisation that if you've got kids, you're a mom - female parents tend to be called that, regardless of whether the kids came out of their womb or someone else's.

But in the end I did realise that. I realised that other people see me as the mother of my kids, and it's ok with me. I certainly wouldn't want to be called their father; it'd be just too weird for me (it may very well be ok for you to be called a father even though you're a woman - be my guest. Just don't push it on me).

It's a right can of worms, of course; motherhood. My relationship to my mother is far from easy. She's not outwardly oppressive or anything, but she really doesn't see the kind of woman I am. I suspect she still sees me as a wee girl, a sexless child - which I most empathically am not. She just kinda ignores that. So it's not something I've wanted to imitate when raising my kids, and I hope (and feel) that I've done better by my children. They seem to be well-adjusted and decent people, and I hope it's just not my indulgent imagination. I'm quite proud of them, and I'm especially proud of the loving family we've managed to put up together, my partner, our children and I.

Happy mother's day to all of you mothers out there. And even if your own mother left a lot to be desired, hopefully you can mother yourself properly.

[ETA 18.5.2012: added clarifications]